Hello.

It’s been quite some time since I posted something here. I’ve traveled some this year and yet I have not put up any content because life happened — my not so new job is keeping me real busy and just like everybody else, I have a life to attend to.

Anyway, what the hell am I writing here for anyway. I guess this is me channeling all the thoughts I have in my head. It’s been quite a tough couple of weeks for me. My head is swimming with bad thoughts and my heart is heavy. At times, I find myself crying in front of my desk. I am normally one tough cookie but I guess things have been too much to handle for me lately.

So I know I’ve been blabbering yet I’m not really saying anything. It’s tough. I know nobody reads this blog anyway but at the same time, this shit is going on the internet so I’m too scared to put too much details.

How do you deal with multiple betrayals? How do you manage when the same person betrays you twice? This is something I have been contemplating on over the last couple of days and quite honestly, if you’re an idiot like me, you’d still be stuck thinking what to do. A logical person would say, get out of the that toxic situation. I guess I’m just being stubborn and illogical right now.

Anyway, what do I want? People tell me I deserve more. I know that sounds so millennial. If you ask me, I don’t actually want more. I just want for things to be enough. I want for things to be normal. But I guess when you are asking for respect, love, and trust, you are asking for too much. So what else do I want? I just want to die, really. I hate pain though. So I’m trying to figure out if I can die happy (drugs anybody?) or if I can die fast (lend me a gun?). I have no access to any of these things so needless to say, I’m just feeling like shit and miserable lately.

With that, I’m leaving you the song that I hope somebody will play at my funeral. P.S. All my exes are not invited.